I haven't posted in a while, because my computer died, and then I felt decidedly uninspired. Still kind of am, but I will share an experience I wrote about shortly after the computer was working again.
Short preface: I'm very interested lately in Kemetic Orthodoxy. You can read about it here. They also have message boards, and I learned how to set up a shrine (as if I don't have enough) to Netjer. So I did so, and this is what happened, and what I related to the good people on those boards.
If this comes out muddled, I'm sorry. I'm still buzzing and crying a little - but good tears.So, yes. Reading it again gives me hope and a little light. I'm also involved in another board for ex-christians, but part of the atheist contingent got very...insensitive. Maybe it's the dark of the Moon getting to me, but I don't think I can deal with them right now. I might just sit in front of my shrine for a while until I feel something better and more inspiring. Or just climb in bed with my boyfriend, since it's so very cold.
I finally gathered the will and guts to make a little makeshift shrine as described on these boards to simply sit and talk to any netjeru wanted to speak to me. I have a Ma'at statue, so that served, as well as a tealight, incense, and a large shell to hold an offering of water (when I don't know what to give, water has always been my safe bet).
As soon as I began giving thanks, and going "who's out there?" I got an instant impression of a sistrum, laughter, a red dress and perfume, and the feeling of "Finally! Girl, I've been here all along, and I love you so much!" Then I felt that love, and I had to cry, it was too much. I vaguely remember whispering "Mother", and feeling like I was crying on Hethert's shoulder.
I also "heard" Her say "I want you to laugh, love yourself, stop burying your joy in grief. And you don't dance anymore. Please dance. Dance is Love, and Love is Dance."
I then put on Enigma, "Gravity of Love" and danced for Her. Then I prostrated myself before the shrine and cried more - but I felt like a comforting hand was stroking my back.
And Love. Such glowing Love.
I hope to find this blog again in a better mood. Maybe I'll read the experience I had a few times more.