Tonight is day 2 of the Wesir (Osiris) mysteries, and this is my first encounter with them as a festival. Right now, it's mostly academic, since purity issues are keeping me from shrine. I still read over the lamentations sent out by our Nisut (AUS).
I am doing my best to connect more with male deities, but I have to confess, I connect far more easily to the feminine. Whether the reason for this is my messed up experiences with christianity or not, I can't say, but it's something I acknowledged a while back, and am still working on. Wesir is also, well, quiet, so it's hard for me to know Him. So as far as the Lord of Silence is concerned, I'll let Raheriwesir speak for me.
I have to admit, I have little experience with Aset, but I find Her easier to comprehend right now. She and Her sister, Nebt-het, are mourning the loss of Wesir, who has gone to be king of the Duat. Most of us know what it means to lose someone to death.
And being a child of Hethert, I seem to create soundtracks for everything. This song struck me as appropriate for tonight.
I don't know why I'm writing this there, but this is my blog, so, I'm gonna do what I feel. And you know what I feel right now?
Angry.
Lost.
Disenchanted.
Motivated.
Ready to fucking FIGHT.
I don't mean violence, mind you. I am just so goddamn ready for a revolution. And yes, this is partly inspired by the eviction of Occupy Wall Street, and the ongoing bullshit with Occupy Oakland, and how this is just too fucking much to ignore.
At first, I sympathized. Part of me wanted to be there with them, camping out, remaking a world that is better. But the other part, the conditioned part, knew it was all a dream, the world just doesn't work that way, I need to do X Y and Z for myself.
You know what? X Y and Z are bullshit.
All that shit I have been taught, how to get along in the world, go to college, you'll earn more, get a job, any job, then look for a better one, work hard and your employer will reward you - it all either comes with huge fucking caveats, or are fucking lies. This country, this WORLD is run by people who tell you this stupid shit so they can make money off your back, when all you want to do is be happy.
I was turned down for a job because I didn't already have one. "Just get a job" is bullshit.
I have a college degree. I made minimum wage at my last job, and was fired for being sick.
I looked for better jobs when I was employed. I was told already having a job would cut into my availability, so they wouldn't hire me.
It's a rigged fucking game, and I'm ready to stand up and scream it the fuck down. We can't be expected to live this way! This is not the world I want to exist in, and I am sick to fucking DEATH of playing along with the status quo, pretending shit will turn around if I just keep applying for jobs that run on that goddamn game.
Right now, I'm going to work on a plan. I don't know what it is yet. I don't know what I'm going to do to get by, but it probably won't be pretty. I don't care. I want shit to change, and change NOW. This is not the world I was taught. And I will not accept the lie anymore. I want the truth, and I want justice, and I want a fucking chance.
I haven't been writing. I've been down - very down. So I have a hard time finding much to say. Just try to find inspiration anywhere I can to keep stumbling along.
And here's a little bit of wisdom that is helping. If I just remember - it's ok, it's just a ride.
Have I expressed my love for Amanda Palmer yet? If not, she's my hero. Completely.
This makes it even better. This song might change the world. Or we could, an army of bad ukulele players!
