Thank You Mother, Thank You!

Hethert is definitely moving in my life. I'm actually looking to get out of here.

I'm not giving up. I was so close, and now it's all changed. A phone call that lasted until the sun rose, like I was young again. I don't even want to sleep, I feel so alive. More than I have in years, even in New Orleans! How has this happened?

I just know it's glorious. That love renews hope. That I will thank my Mother in shrine this morning, before I make errands. That, at the least, I have a new and dear friend, someone Hethert has placed in my path.

Because She always wants me to have love.



<3 Qefathethert

Struggles, and What I Have

More down time. Feel I've lost someone dear to impatience and other things. Sometimes I feel like too much is going on.

Then Mom Hethert throws messages through music at me, and it helps. It heals.

I still have a lot to learn, heal from, and do, but it's good to know that I have a faith family and gods that have my back. I love you all.

And will try to remember this:

Slow down
From a thread of sky
To the warp and weft of your being
You’re beautiful graceful, like no other, pretty dammed good as you are

All's fair...?

I am changing again. Of course, this is a good thing, ultimately. Being static is a kind of death. I wonder if there is anything concrete in my life, really.

Of course, I'm scared. My previous post hinted at things I only felt comfortable being super vague and slightly poetic about. At the time, anyway. I don't have many solid thoughts about it.

What I am pretty sure of, is that there will be a burning away of many false ideas I had about myself - things that my accepted thoughts conflicted with, but I didn't have the guts to face. But I shouldn't have been surprised, in the end.

Main thing, I believe I might be polyamorous. If you have no fucking idea what that is, see Zabet's other blog and her explanation and know you're not the only one confused.

In fact, I vaguely knew about people that did this sort of thing, but didn't know the word - and didn't think I could "handle" it. I kind of have had it slapped in my face by crazy circumstance, and have had to face some of my main fears about it. I'm still utterly confused, but ready to admit - this very well might be who I am. How I approach love. Which is frightening as FUCK, but amazing at the same time.

This is all subject to change too. On my terms. Whatever those are.

Yeah, thanks Hethert, I am your daughter, alright.

Mon coeur, heart, ib, corazon....

I try to close myself off after heartbreaks. Or at least install security defenses with passwords to get through. I feel smaller, but safer. But that's no way to live. Not really. And not for me.

I burn with passion sometimes. I cry when simply overwhelmed, whether by fear, pain, or joy. I wear my heart on my sleeve. And then I try not to.

The gods laugh, and throw people in my way to tear me wide open again. I don't think this is a bad thing.

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
~Kahlil Gibran

It's all very scary, and healing is hard, but maybe fire can cleanse me.



Senebty, Qefat

Thank You

I dedicate this to my Mother, Hethert. And to many people in my life, even the ones that hurt me.

A heart that hurts is a heart that works

Yes, music is the currency of my spirit and emotions (Thanks Momma Hethert!). I've been angsty and angry again, but it seems even the darker music I love can offer bits of light. And I'm very thankful for this song right now.



Also I wonder sometimes if I could be any more of a romantic. Then I almost explode from it. Maybe that's for another post, though.

Happy Return!

Today is the Return of the Eye of Ra, meaning Hethert-Sekhmet, my spiritual Mother. I had a lovely festive chat with my Kemetic family, and have been listening to great music.

This is when we celebrate not only the strengthening of the sun (that strength is the Eye of Ra), but our lovely Mistress of Joy returning to Kemet, after running off very angry. It's also when many families across the world, in many faiths, come together to be with their families, often traveling huge distances. That is their warmth and joy.

We were given homework by Mother - 1. Do something that makes someone else smile between now and Moomas (sunday: I'll post a blog about that if I get a chance). 2. Do something that makes you smile.

Well, this video made me smile and cry a little. Maybe someone else will enjoy it too. I think I'll ultimately do something in person with someone, if I can.

Blessed Solstice, Happy Return, Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah!

Woulda been, coulda been

This keeps popping up on Pandora. I think it's half message, half plain old amusement.

Another night.

My own personal darkness again. Sometimes things look so very black. Friends can help, which is lovely and nice. And I love you all, really.

But this song keeps saving my life. It popped up on Pandora and opened a vault of grateful tears.



I'm pretty sure Mom Hethert has something to do with it.

I'm down, but it seems, I'm not out yet.

Night of Lamentations

Tonight is day 2 of the Wesir (Osiris) mysteries, and this is my first encounter with them as a festival. Right now, it's mostly academic, since purity issues are keeping me from shrine. I still read over the lamentations sent out by our Nisut (AUS).

I am doing my best to connect more with male deities, but I have to confess, I connect far more easily to the feminine. Whether the reason for this is my messed up experiences with christianity or not, I can't say, but it's something I acknowledged a while back, and am still working on. Wesir is also, well, quiet, so it's hard for me to know Him. So as far as the Lord of Silence is concerned, I'll let Raheriwesir speak for me.

I have to admit, I have little experience with Aset, but I find Her easier to comprehend right now. She and Her sister, Nebt-het, are mourning the loss of Wesir, who has gone to be king of the Duat. Most of us know what it means to lose someone to death.

And being a child of Hethert, I seem to create soundtracks for everything. This song struck me as appropriate for tonight.

Stop pretending art is hard!

Have I expressed my love for Amanda Palmer yet? If not, she's my hero. Completely.
This makes it even better. This song might change the world. Or we could, an army of bad ukulele players!

Can't.....

This reminds me of Mary Magdalene, for some reason. Also just having a mopey 90's day. Enjoy!

Message? Or just drunken sentimentality?

Doesn't matter right now. And YES, I had to google "sentimentality."

Just listen and look at the pretty man.

Let Love In

Ok, one more...

I've said before that Florence Welch puts me in the mind of worshiping Hethert.

This song would fit in with any ecstatic worship. Rock concerts can do that, but this, I feel is special. I adore this video.

More Music and Momma

I'm meditating more on my spiritual Mother - and I got a request to hear Bjork. This song in particular.

It brought me to tears. Good ones.

Music! Always Music! Raise it up!

Ok, so I love discovering new music. Good music, anyway. And thanks to Stephen Colbert, I found out about Florence & the Machine. Wow. Bombastic, pure emotion pouring out of Ms. Florence Welch in her voice, her movements onstage - makes me really think of Hethert. Yes, I'm sure She loves all music, but just look at that picture (stick of bells, not "authentic" but makes me think of a sistrum), then find some of the music to listen to.

Also, I'll admit, I'm thinking of my impending RPD. I try to be a "clean slate" mentally, but then I'm just watching my nightly comedy/news, and I'm hit with this amazing woman. And the urge to dance, and I feel a mental "giggle" in the back of my head. Kind of like "yeah, you know, silly."

Ok, and here's a video for ease of checking out this amazing woman + group. Also, I love geeking over this stuff.

Make a Soulful Noise

Arveyda was experiencing something amazing as he sat over the stones, beginning to strum his guitar. He knew, he finally knew, why he was capable of falling in love so easily, even with his own wife's mother. It was because he was a musician, and an artist. Artists, he now understood, were simply messengers. On them fell the responsibility for uniting the world. An awesome task, but he felt up to it, in his own life. His faith must be that the pain he brought to others and to himself - so poorly concealed in the information delivered - would lead not to destruction, but to transformation. 

-Alice Walker, The Temple of my Familiar

I couldn't imagine a spiritual life without music. I honestly don't think it's possible - every faith has their sacred music. There are differences on what is considered sacred, but I think whatever speaks to the human condition has a potential to be sacred. I remember a religious studies professor telling the class that the closest that the modern world gets to the kind of ecstatic mystery religion rites of ancient Greece are rock concerts. With events like Bonnaroo and Burning Man, this theory makes a lot of sense.

I usually include some kind of music with my shrine time, and a good bit of it is what some would consider "secular." I tend not to make those distinctions. That's not to say that I find any music at all spiritually moving, but I don't think an artist has to declare themselves a religious musician for their work to move my spirit. My "Temple" playlist range over many artists and genres. Depending on the deity I'm working with, it can vary even more.

Here is one of my favorite "temple" artists, with one of the best spiritual offerings I've heard in a long time.

"Music melts all the separate parts of our bodies together."
-Anaïs Nin