Changes, Love, and Beginnings

I haven't blogged about the Days Upon the Year, or Wep Ronpet this year, though this will be my second as a shemset with the House of Netjer. I even missed the anniversary of my naming. I've been wrapped up in packing, packing, packing, and mentally/emotionally preparing for a cross-country bus journey to what I hope is the rest of my life.

Talk about a First Time. A real personal Zep Tepi, in all huge and dramatic ways.

I packed away my akhu and senut shrines, but the akhu and Names are never far from my mind. Today is Heru-Wer's day, though Set has been impatiently rumbling around the sky all day today with storms.

I remember vividly, last year, on Set's birthday, He told me in shrine that my whole life would have to be blasted away - that the coming year of Ptah would be about foundations. Razing everything present to the earth, laying blocks of things to come. He was not wrong. I was uprooted from my life in New Orleans, ended a dangerous co-dependent relationship with a man who was manipulating my emotions, accepted that covering my hair was something I need spiritually, no matter what others may think or feel about it, and now, to end this year, I'm going to move to a place I've never been, to live with a man I love with all of my heart and soul, someone who shares my dreams and my gods, someone I feel I've known in past lives. I've never felt more in awe, more frightened, more elated, more hopeful.

And as I'm moving, I will be without internet/computer for a while. I know I'm not very consistent with updating the blog in any case, but there will be a slight interruption. I hope to write in a brand new journal I bought just for starting my new life, and maybe I can pull inspiration for future blog posts from there.

I'll be boarding the bus on the 1st of August. Aset's birthday, as well as Lammas, the first harvest in Wiccan/Euro pagan traditions and it's a full moon! May the Mistress of Magic look over my journey and endeavors, and I hope this journey is the harvest of the sweetest kind, a realization of great love.

How's that for auspicious? 

Changes, Wonderful, Hopeful, Terrifying.

I didn't want to move here to Florida. I avoided this possibility until nearly the last moment. I was in a toxic, codependent situation that was killing me. I was too close to it, and I didn't see it.

I'm seeing so much more now, and it really is like the elephant in the room. I wonder how the fuck I missed it.

I've been doing much better at getting shrine time in, since I now have a clean and quiet space to do so. And if nothing else is perfectly clear now, it's that my spiritual Mother and beloveds do care, love me, and that all of this, even the mess and the pain and the horror of looking back at what I was doing to myself, is on purpose. I'm meant to be here. It's not my favorite place, but it has the Gulf to wash me, it has sunshine, I have a clean bed, space to breathe, and a much clearer head and open ears and heart, so I may hear and feel my Gods.

Hethert tells me to love myself, and no longer seek to destroy myself. Bast-Mut orders me to stop eating my heart. Set tells me I will survive all of this, and be more brilliant and strong for it. All want me more pure. Want me happier and stronger.

Hethert also won't let love die within my heart. Every day I can be in shrine, I can't express my thanks enough for what She has done for me - and who She has placed in my path.

It's also the year of Ptah, the builder. But nothing can be built if there is rubble in the way. This is all clearing away of that rubble, what no longer serves me. Maybe it never did, but it's on the way out now. It will still take work. I won't always feel great or victorious about it, I'll have days where I'm dusty and sweaty and want to give up. But I won't. I have powerful Gods on my side, a wonderful faith community in the House of Netjer, and good friends. I'll make this happen.

Netjer amazes me.

Di Wep Ronpet Nofret!

This is my first Kemetic new year. I celebrated with ritual purification and prayers at dawn (very unusual for me, I am not a morning person!). But even during the Days upon the Year, I could feel a shift in me. I feel the funk I've carried with me for too long lifting, and I also think I'm becoming Kemetic.

My new name fits. Whether being Qefathethert is going back to who I truly was before the world told me I wasn't her or not (and I strongly suspect this is true), I feel like myself. But new.

Last night, I even made natron! I had been using salt beforehand (I know, not bad, but not great), so it felt good to actually speak the prayers over kernels of natron and not just salt.

Just out of the oven.

Crumbly!

Turns out, half a cup of salt and baking soda each makes a lot!

Now, I can purify for senut the proper way. I chose to break it up with my hands - I know many prefer powdering it with a mortar and pestle, but there was something organic about peeling it off the tinfoil (for various reasons, I do not own a baking sheet - long story) and crumbling it with my hands. I also chose to use the ceramic bowl decorated with the moon and stars that my mom brought back from Morocco - it reminded me of Nut. Thanks mom! I think it will be my purification bowl from now on.

This year belongs to Ptah, "the builder." There are certainly many things in my life that I need to build. No more slacking - I will use this present momentum to forge ahead and build the life I want.

What exactly that means, I'm not sure yet, but I will spend today meditating on it - and perform the isfet banishing ritual as a way of cleaning house.

I wish everyone a blessed life, whether or not this is the new year for you! Nekhtet!