Changes, Love, and Beginnings

I haven't blogged about the Days Upon the Year, or Wep Ronpet this year, though this will be my second as a shemset with the House of Netjer. I even missed the anniversary of my naming. I've been wrapped up in packing, packing, packing, and mentally/emotionally preparing for a cross-country bus journey to what I hope is the rest of my life.

Talk about a First Time. A real personal Zep Tepi, in all huge and dramatic ways.

I packed away my akhu and senut shrines, but the akhu and Names are never far from my mind. Today is Heru-Wer's day, though Set has been impatiently rumbling around the sky all day today with storms.

I remember vividly, last year, on Set's birthday, He told me in shrine that my whole life would have to be blasted away - that the coming year of Ptah would be about foundations. Razing everything present to the earth, laying blocks of things to come. He was not wrong. I was uprooted from my life in New Orleans, ended a dangerous co-dependent relationship with a man who was manipulating my emotions, accepted that covering my hair was something I need spiritually, no matter what others may think or feel about it, and now, to end this year, I'm going to move to a place I've never been, to live with a man I love with all of my heart and soul, someone who shares my dreams and my gods, someone I feel I've known in past lives. I've never felt more in awe, more frightened, more elated, more hopeful.

And as I'm moving, I will be without internet/computer for a while. I know I'm not very consistent with updating the blog in any case, but there will be a slight interruption. I hope to write in a brand new journal I bought just for starting my new life, and maybe I can pull inspiration for future blog posts from there.

I'll be boarding the bus on the 1st of August. Aset's birthday, as well as Lammas, the first harvest in Wiccan/Euro pagan traditions and it's a full moon! May the Mistress of Magic look over my journey and endeavors, and I hope this journey is the harvest of the sweetest kind, a realization of great love.

How's that for auspicious? 

when it's time to turn the page

With uprooting myself again and changing the entire direction of my life, I have to necessarily let go of many things. Many material things, which I used to find hard, but after leaving New Orleans in such a rush, running for my sanity, and my life, is so much easier now. I've made peace with the fact that I can pack a bag of clothes and leave with nothing else, if I must. I'd like my new journal and ipod, but those are not necessities.

What's harder to leave behind are the memories of my life before. And there are many I'd like to leave, dead and buried. I burned two journals' worth not too long ago, and that did help with a lot of the pain.

Another Wep Ronpet approaches, and I will travel through it. I want to arrive in Oregon with a new life, a clean slate, and ready to be filled with new memories, love, and joy.

Maybe that's why a deeper and older ache has surfaced again. Or maybe this one is just stubborn. But he always comes back. I'm not even sure he's my friend anymore. I found an old gift he sent me years ago, and I'm torn as to if I should burn it like the journals, or send it back to him.

He owes me nothing, really. I don't know why I feel so wounded by him. I just know this has gone on so long, up and down, in my heart, that it might feel like tearing out a bit of myself to finally leave this particular relationship (whatever the fuck it was anyway) behind and give up.

The gift - I've carried it with me through three states - two dorm rooms, three apartments, two houses. I've called him friend for over 10 years. He's often baffled me and frightened me. And frustrated me.

It's complicated. And somewhat beautiful, but maybe it was always ephemeral. And will finally blow away in the winds of change.

I know I'll never forget. But I think I have to leave most of this in the past. It was likely never good for me in the first place.

Di Wep Ronpet Nofret!

This is my first Kemetic new year. I celebrated with ritual purification and prayers at dawn (very unusual for me, I am not a morning person!). But even during the Days upon the Year, I could feel a shift in me. I feel the funk I've carried with me for too long lifting, and I also think I'm becoming Kemetic.

My new name fits. Whether being Qefathethert is going back to who I truly was before the world told me I wasn't her or not (and I strongly suspect this is true), I feel like myself. But new.

Last night, I even made natron! I had been using salt beforehand (I know, not bad, but not great), so it felt good to actually speak the prayers over kernels of natron and not just salt.

Just out of the oven.

Crumbly!

Turns out, half a cup of salt and baking soda each makes a lot!

Now, I can purify for senut the proper way. I chose to break it up with my hands - I know many prefer powdering it with a mortar and pestle, but there was something organic about peeling it off the tinfoil (for various reasons, I do not own a baking sheet - long story) and crumbling it with my hands. I also chose to use the ceramic bowl decorated with the moon and stars that my mom brought back from Morocco - it reminded me of Nut. Thanks mom! I think it will be my purification bowl from now on.

This year belongs to Ptah, "the builder." There are certainly many things in my life that I need to build. No more slacking - I will use this present momentum to forge ahead and build the life I want.

What exactly that means, I'm not sure yet, but I will spend today meditating on it - and perform the isfet banishing ritual as a way of cleaning house.

I wish everyone a blessed life, whether or not this is the new year for you! Nekhtet!

I can't believe it's not a day!

Today, and the next 5 days, are very special to the Kemetic calender. Mostly to the Kemetic Orthodox calender, since it's reckoned by their own temple location, but that's complicated.

It's New Year's time around the House of Netjer world, and that brings the 5 "Days upon the Year." They are days, and they aren't. It ties into a myth about the ruling netjeru of Kemet.

Geb was king, and Nut was with child - actually, five of them. Geb was not happy with this at all, because He had no plans to give over His throne to anyone else, so He declared that Nut would not be delivered of Her children on any day of the year. Nut, very uncomfortable and desperate (five kids you can't get out? Yeesh!) enlisted the aid of Djehuty to find some way out. Djehuty is a crafty sort, so he challenged Khonsu (Moon god) to a game of senet with stakes - if Djehuty won, Khonsu would lend His light to make 5 extra days. Being crafty, Djehuty won, and Nut got to bear Her children - Wesir, Heru-Wer, Set, Aset, and Nebt-Het. Thus, the calender of Kemet now has 5 days that are not days at all - not really. It's played-for time, and strange as a result.

This is limbo time, and today was Wesir's birthday. This is my first time at this, and my first time at Wep Ronpet - when the "non days" are, over, and the new year begins. I'm scrabbling to get more incense, a Wep Ronpet candle, and offerings for the last two non-days.
I kind of like liminal days. Meaning on the threshold - literally. Not in or out. Between. These are strange times, but I have high hopes for the whacky wisdom I hope to gain. Then I can destroy the isfet that's been plaguing me on Wep Ronpet.

I have a new name, right before a brand new year. I await big things. :D